Bridegroom – The Movie

You Are Viewing

A Blog Post

Share Your Story

  • September 16, 2013
  • By
  • In Share
  • 11 Comments

This story is but only one. Help others by sharing yours below.

 

Tags:
11 Comments
  • Mikaëlle Olivier on September 21, 2013

    I watched Shane’s video ”It could happen to you” a few weeks ago. After watching it, I cried for about 2 days and stopped eating and sleeping, because I couldn’t believe that a person could live a tragic story like this one.
    Before watching this video, I didn’t understand why the legalization of gay marriage was so important. I’m straight, but I’ve never been homophobic. I’ve always supported gay marriage, but I’ve never get involved. Now I know that I have to. I decided to get involved in the lute for LGBT rights. I joined many websites about this cause, created a facebook page, shared Shane’s video on facebook and twitter, and tell my family and friends that I was going to get involved.
    This situation needs to change. I can’t believe that two people that had spent almost 6 years together can’t get married, because they are gay. It’s unacceptable that discrimination is so accepted in our society. We need to understand that we are all equal.
    Love has no gender. Love will always be love, and the sex of the two persons doesn’t matter. We are all humans, we all have the same emotions, we are all able to love, and we should be all able to marry the love of our life.
    Thank you, Shane, for making me understand that this situation is not acceptable. You’re an inspiration, you totally changed my life. I promise I will make a change.
    I can’t believe you found the courage to continue your life after this tragedy. You have all my respect and love for that. You’re a strong person, and I’m sure Tom would be proud of you right now.
    Tap, tap, tap.
    Mikaëlle

  • Grayson Jostes on October 4, 2013

    I was watching “It Could Happen To You” on YouTube and at the end I started to cry cause I felt to sorry for Shane for going through all of this homophobia to Tom’s parents. This is why homophobia and bigotry lives on because people are not educated enough about the LGBT community and they used the bible and church for it to solve their problems. I feel ashamed to Tom’s parents for being so ignorant and being a bigot just because their son is gay and he has a boyfriend. I’m gay and I have two parents, my mom and step-dad accept me for who I am and my dad and step-mom are kinda accept me and they are still on agreeing what the bible said about Homosexuals. I hope that Tom’s parents know what they done to their son and they should know better for being so ignorant and a bigot.
    I love you Shane with all my heart.
    TAP,TAP,TAP
    Grayson

  • Eric on October 14, 2013

    Shane, I just want to say thanks from the bottom of my heart for telling your story and doing everything you have been doing to fight for civil rights and equality. The courage you demonstrate is lacking in lacking in so many people. You have made this world extra special just by using your voice. Please continue to spread your love and devotion because although we’ve come so far, we’ve got so far to go!
    Tap, Tap Tap

    Eric

  • Jason Roblee on October 28, 2013

    I know this story all too well. My partner of nearly 5 years took his own life after a long battle with depression and addiction. We owned a home together, mutual finances, pets and a lifelong commitment to one another. Grief brings out the best in some people and the worst in others. Unfortunately, Florida has no civil or marriage laws protecting LGBT couples. My hope is that this film will enable legislation and help to change the way our families are protected. Social stigmas may always exist. However, If the film can help to change the minds of just a few people….You have truly made an impact on humanity. There are so many individuals out there that have endured a similar situation and may still be struggling to come to terms. Thank you for sharing your story and bringing attention to the cause. Best wishes in all of your endeavors. Do it for love. ~Jason

  • Stephen on October 30, 2013

    Today my partner of 10 years and I signed the documents for our first home. It was an amazing day for us, one that we have not fully realized. After having a meal together, watching some tv and sending him off to bed, I discovered this documentary on Netflix-

    I thought, here we have another silly documentary on LGBT issues, that I should care about, but having a long happy relationship together, surrounded by supportive friends and family, I’ve felt pretty blessed for some time now… and as far as the Internet goes… I don’t exactly value Facebook, Twitter and what I consider social media garbage. Most days, I simply loathe the idea of sharing my opinions and feelings online. So why am I here?

    Bridegroom ripped the tears out of me. This beautiful, touching, and inherently sad story of an amazing love between two men cut so terribly short sent me on an emotional roller coaster. I laughed during the funny, awkward moments, and I cried through the confessions of the friends and loved ones as they expressed how their lives were touched by both Shane and Tom.

    Tom was an absolute dream. A blue eyed, baby faced, multifaceted, joy filled, walking talking dream boy. I fell in love with him. Every one of the gorgeous stills of his handsome face made me smile. The goofy, upbeat charming man in the brief, funny and tender moments of footage was infectious. Realizing that Shane and Tom were no longer together had me aching inside. I saw many qualities in him that I see in my own partner, and the thought of how I would feel if I were to lose him, brought me to tears again.

    I have to end this before I start talking in circles. I want to thank you Shane, you and all your friends and family. I want to thank everyone involved in this project. It was by far the most memorable piece of digital film I’ve ever seen. Thank you.

  • Gino on October 31, 2013

    I watched this documentary fully expecting that I would cry. I was hysterical when it ended. I’ve been involved in the fight for equality for many years and this story encapsulates exactly why.

    I was married in California in the 5 month window that same-sex couples were able to marry in 2008. I married the wrong person. In April of 2009 I met a man that completely altered what I thought I knew about love. Unfortunately he was also married – to a woman. They had been married just four months out of high school and were just about to celebrate their 25th anniversary. We fell madly in love. I never understood what loving someone else more than myself felt like until I met him. We had an affair. I’m not proud of that but it is what it is. His wife found out. She came to my office one day and introduced herself. I was in shock. Seriously – I nearly fainted. He’d always told me that if she ever found out he would kill himself. Suddenly his worst fear (and mine) was standing right in front of me. She did not yell – she asked for my help. She said that she knew what he would do if she confronted him. Together she and I helped him through the entire coming out process. From telling his kids to her family to his family. I supported them both and stood quietly in the background until the time was right for me to come into the picture. She never wavered in her support of him – nor did I.

    Fortunately, I had a friend from high school that had been through a similar experience with his ex-wife. She left him for another woman. I connected the two so she would have someone other than me to talk to. To help HER through it.

    On July 1st, 2013 I married HIM – my love – my true soul mate! Something I could have never imaged being possible when we met. We have the support of his entire family, her entire family, his kids, and my family. He is my life, my love, and has truly made me want to do better – to be better. When I watched this documentary all I could think about was what if he was Tom. How could I survive without him? I just can’t imagine what Shane has been through and I pledge to fight every day until every person is treated equally! As heartbreaking as this story is it could not have come at a better time. The tide is turning and stories like this will keep it going! Thank you Shane!

    One side note: She married my friend on July 27, 2013. We all found our own happiness.

  • Michael Stewart on November 3, 2013

    Shane…..Wow…..
    I don’t even know where to begin with all of the emotions flooding my heart right now.
    I watched this a couple days ago on Netflix, and I can’t get you and Tom out of my mind. Your story of absolute love and commitment to one another is a true testament and argument to the whole world’s views of “moral values” that our community is being plagued with.

    Let me just begin by saying, I too, lost my partner of almost 7 years this past April. Like you and Tom, we traveled a lot ( I work for an airline, so it was a bit easier for us to get out and about) . It didn’t help that there was video of you guys saying “Welcome to Oahu” towards the beginning of the movie ( That was our dream destination to call home one day ). I knew, right then and there, that your story was going to hit me hard. And , I wasn’t wrong.

    On our last trip in late February, my sister and I noticed him starting to look a little pale, and he said he wasn’t feeling too good and was getting worn out. So, we cut our trip short and caught the next flight home. He finally gave in and went to the ER two days after we got back. He never got to see our home or our dogs ever again, except in pictures. It turned out that his liver went into complete failure, which in turn, later caused complications with his kidneys shutting down as well.
    I lost the love of my life 6 weeks later, on April 8th.

    Watching your movie, was LITERALLY like looking in to a mirror and seeing our relationship unfolding ….building stronger and stronger. Just like you guys, we wanted to get married sooooo bad, but, stupid me, I said, “Let’s just wait until it’s recognized legally everywhere.” Even though, where we live (Kansas City, Missouri), we could have driven 3 hours to Iowa, and done it. But, I had the mentality…”Well, it just won’t be legal anymore when we cross back over our state line.”
    That was, and still is the biggest thing that I regret not doing for him. We had a little private ceremony with just ourselves and a few family members here in town, but never the real deal.

    I am experiencing your “I can’t do this anymore” feeling right now. SUCKS !!! It was so unnerving how exactly your love mirrored ours. The memories I took away from this film are almost haunting me, in a good way. Our lives, and our loves are, quite frankly, eerily too exact. You spoke of “too many similarities and coincidences” that drew you together. That is what drew us together as well. You can’t deny destiny when someone comes in to your life like that. Someone, somewhere is trying to tell you that this is your soul mate. Don’t let them go!!!

    I probably shouldn’t have watched this alone. I didn’t think I was going to be able to make it through a few parts without breaking down. Ok, honestly, I did quite a few times.

    I just want to Thank you, and Tom, for sharing your life with me. It reminds me of what I had and to never forget that. Like you, I am trying to find my own way of be more vocal about equal rights for everybody, but I just don’t know where to begin.

    Thanks again Shane,

    Michael

    P.S.
    Speaking of similarities and coincidences….My partner’s name was Shane.
    That alone helped drive the nail deeper in my heart.

  • Davonta Greer on November 13, 2013

    Shane I thank you so much for your film. I was in tears for hours and I cant get it off my mind. I watched Bridegroom yesterday and it was the most moving thing I have ever seen. I am a young black homosexual male from one of the worst neighborhoods in America. In my community homosexuality is not accepted so I have been living miserably for my whole life. You and Tom give me hope, your documentary took me to a place I have never been before. I feel I can be myself. The love that you two shared is something that I only dream of. Before I saw your video I thought terrible thoughts and believed my only happiness would come from death but you saved me. I came out today and I lost many people but the true friends are still here. I just want to thank you for giving me courage to be who I am and thanks for saving my life.

  • Cody Taylor on November 19, 2013

    Hi
    My name is Cody.
    I was raised in a small country town in Alabama. I am now 19 and live in Georgia as a college student but my struggles follow. My parents have always been protective of me. They would check my phone with out me knowing, force me to give them all of the passwords to my social networks, and make me tell them who I was hanging out with at all times with continuous check ups every 20 minutes or so. In a small country town in the south is hard for a homosexual struggling teen. I was raised on racecars, toy trucks, and action figures. I was raised to think that anything other than being with a girl was wrong. I thought since I was in elementary school that the thoughts and attractions I had were sinful, wrong, and disgusting. Freshman year in high school I decided it was time to stop hiding from everyone. So I looked for advice. I found this guy who went to the same high school I attended who recently came out to every one. I decided that he was my best bet. I messaged him on Facebook telling him my condition. He gave excellent advice. We talked about how I did not need to be scared. If people did not accept me then it was going to be their loss. I was planning on following his advice when I got up enough courage to do so. I changed my password on Facebook so I could continue the message thread later. I could have deleted it and then messaged later but I wanted to save it to look at in the future as reminiscence as the day I decided to come out. The following day at school was pretty normal like every other day. I went to second block and my brother stopped me before entering the class room. He was a senior. He told me that his friends have been questioning him about my sexual orientation and calling me names like fag or other inappropriate things. They planned to physically cause me pain because of how I acted. I do not even act feminine but I felt more comfortable around girls and had just girls as my best friends. This made his friends uncomfortable. My brother told me to watch my back just in case anything would happen. In class the office called over the intercom. They informed me I needed to check out. When I arrived at the office my dad was waiting to take me home. He said that we desperately needed to have a family meeting. He did not check out my brother. I was confused the whole way home about why I was being checked out and it did not occur to me, until I was outside the door about to go in, what could have possibly happened. I opened the door slowly and saw my mom with an expression on her face like I have never seen. No mother should give their child a look so horrible. I felt like I was going to be beaten and I knew what she did. She read all of my Facebook messages. I sat down on the couch and waited for the screaming. She calmly asked if I was “queer”. My heart dropped, my blood was racing, and my face felt like it was on fire. I asked “Why?” She started yelling almost immediately after I asked. “I read all of your messages on Facebook with that homo! If you are I swear to God you are going to regret it. Me and your father will remind you every day about how your ‘choice’ will ruin your life” They informed me of how gays had sex. That it is disgusting and gay love is against nature. I knew that if this continued I would not have a place to live or a family who supported me and defended me against future discrimination. I would lose them. So I was forced to tell them I was straight and just curious about different people. At a one year old’s birthday party my mother asked me in front of the mother of the child if I wanted to tell everyone about our discussion we had earlier. My mother brought this up in the incorrect place. She also threatened to tell not just my friends but everyone who hated me to make my life harder. I always wanted to be a therapist so I was “exploring different mind settings” That was my excuse. From then on every now and then my parents would remind me that gays are disgusting and freaks of nature. When its mentioned on television they still tell me to this day that it should not exist. To this day I suffer in the dark, cold, lonely place of the closet having secret romances I can not tell anyone about. I do; however, have more privacy being a 19 year old college student. My best friend found out senior year and he has been my friend since second grade. He doesn’t judge me. He loves me the same. A total of 10 people know. Maybe more if they’ve told people but as of now just moving to Georgia I am all alone. It feels like I came out to those people just to be shoved back in the closet waiting for the day to where I will find someone who will care about me and support me like my other friends have. I moved last May and it is close to the end of November. This is torture but it is how society is. I guess I am used to it now because I haven’t experienced anything better. This is my life.
    I am planning to come out to every one after my parents do not support me anymore. I will find the right guy who will support me through it and I know I wont be alone anymore. So right now I will tell anyone who asks but if they have connection to my parents or brother then it will ruin everything. I hope that one day kids will not have to live in a world where they would rather die than be who they are.

  • scott on November 24, 2013

    I’m so inspired by your story. I am a gay man myself and if anything ever happened to my partner and soul mate, I would be devastated. He and I are right now going through difficulties due to certain things. One of them being that some of his family is not in favor of us being together. As I saw the story, I felt as though I could relate to some of it.

    Shane keep up the fight. And now that you have people like myself in your corner. So I applaud you. Tom would be very proud of you

  • Matthew Kennedy on November 28, 2013

    I can’t wait to see the movie, and seeing my name on the Donor list makes me feel proud that I could be part of something this huge. My only problem is that I haven’t received my copy yet and think it may have been delivered to the wrong place.

Leave a Reply to Matthew Kennedy
Cancel reply

You Can’t Change the Past